Why in the hell is it that when you cry your nose starts running and you wind up blowing snot rockets all over creation while having a meaningful moment looking at the Atlas and thinking about being...Jesus Christ that was the biggest goddamn mosquito I've ever killed in my life!!! Holy ballsacks on Mars I should mount that sonofabitch!! OK I'll clear things up this is being written on a pad in Grand Teton National Park next to my tent. The fat lady is singing her ass off and I just figured up the amount of miles I must traverse to be back in the Grove at Lenox Park:1847 miles. Shitdamn...I piss 1847 miles with a hangover and hemorrhoids on a Tuesday in my sleep! I ain't no pussy. ( Editor's note: I neither have hemorrhoids nor do I intend on being hungover on Tuesday but many elements have been added for dramatic effect.)
Grand Teton is the coux de gras (Sp.? Fuck the French) of my adventure and for the first time I saw them today and my God they are far more amazing than the best screensaver I've ever seen in my life. Just a few towering, majestic behemoths backlit by the sun over a massive blue lake that has to be slightly less polluted than the Chattahoochie. Tomorrow I'm going to take them on and get a good couple of hikes in before streaking across North America in a steady burn back to God's other country. I finally have found that I miss my family, my friends, and my glorious boner-inspiring pillow-top bed. When it came down to it...it was the scabies. Damn things are a bitch! I'm just kidding I haven't had anything like that but I am ready to be home after satisfying my Earth-lust out here in Wyoming. It was definitely a shitshow getting down here from Whitefish and I actually did get to see a good bit of Yellowstone in that you have to go right through the middle for 2 hours to get to GT. And honestly...meh. I mean it was cool what with all the geysers and steam and assorted other warnings of the coming apocalypse. I found it to be mostly trees and really slow-driving old fucks that have NO sensitivity toward a kid trying to haul ass to Teton before all the campsites fill up.
In any case this does mean I am nearing the end of my trip but definitely not the end of this blog for damn sure. Actually I'll probably have plenty to bitch about when I return what with the moving and getting shit caught up. Oh and guess what? The wild and wonderful Dorchaks are headed down to the Keys on the 6th and guess who they want to come? And guess who's moving on the 6th? And guess who's driving almost to Key West after moving for 2 days? Actually please excuse any negativity you might have picked during that sequence in that I absolutely ADORE every single person on this planet with the Dorchak name and if they're going snorkeling for lobster come shitrain or fucktards I'm going to be there. Like I'm sweating driving...dude I'm the drive fucking mater!!I really can't wait to be home though...I love you all and will see you very soon.
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