Just call me Dick Van Sprinkle...

Ahhhh....ohhhhh boy that was a nice nap. Holy spicoli nothing hits the spot like closing your eyes for a minute and just not doing crap for a while. Let me just jump on the old internet machine here and see what I missed. Whoa what the farts??? Who messed with the calendar thingy on my desktop? Has it seriously been almost two years since I was on here? Oh my God! Two years of my life gone...Nooooooooo!!!!!!!

OK be calm...let's get the butler in here. He'll explain everything. Tanjit, what the hell happened? Uh huh...OK so I remember working at the bar at Nap's. And then someone handed me a red pill and a glass of corn liquor and I vaguely remember waking up in a pod filled with pink goo and hoses attached to my body. Did we reelect that boner in Washington? Ah who cares it's all the same shit. Ya ya...something about a bachelor party in Key West. No I'm not gay! It was the groom's idea, trust me. What else? Ya a couple weddings, someone had a baby, blah blah blah, New Orleans for New Years, nice. Douching around, bullshit bullshit bullshit, turned 30, gross. Wait what??? I bought a bar? When the fuck did that happen? Oh shitmonkies how the hell did I do that? It better be an awesome bar...AHHHH it's in Little Five?? I can't afford gauges in my ears! Oh and the tattoo bills holy crap! Well how's it doing? It's not open yet??? Shit!! Well when's it going to open? October?? Oh boy I've got some figuring to do. What else man? A girlfriend!! Ahhh holy shit what about that whole vow of celibacy thing you made me swear when we were taking acid in Sri Lanka that time!  Well I know I wasn't serious but still! Is she cool at least? Into Phish, loves animals and bourbon. Holy shit Tanjit my head's spinning. OK let's get the jam jamming again. First things first! I need a glass of corn liquor and a red pill of some kind...

So here I am back on the pain train. I missed writing random weird things that only I ever read. I find it's quite therapeutic and I usually think I'm at least moderately funny so here I go again on my own. And stop singing Whitesnake!

So according to Tanjit I quit my job at Napoleon's to concentrate on this new venture full time. It should be a super-nice music venue called Aisle 5 here shortly and apparently I'm running the bar and kitchen. Should be healthy if it ever opens.  Also if you know me it's all I talk about so I won't ramble on the details here but when it opens bring your ass and you're drinking shoes!

This new venture has also landed me smack-dab in the middle of a crackpipe circus, AKA Little 5 Points.  So, in dickedge v. 5.3 or whatever the fuck number I'm on at this point I will certainly be posting my funny observations and interactions I have with the strange and noteworthy locals of my new business home. Like Tao and the crazy meth-chick with the sequins and the shaved head. I already made friends with them. OK I'll be back on as the ideas start rolling again. Keep it real my little chickadees.

OK so we've all been drunk before...

but I was at the restaurant tonight and there was a woman that was absolutely PLASTERED and making out with some sketch homie with a goatee at the bar. Long story short while I enjoyed my cheap 18 oz. Miller opposite from ground zero my manager had to come out and walk this woman to dude's car just to get her out of the establishment before some poor server had to mop up vomit for $2.50 an hour. Through further investigation I learned that the woman is a preschool teacher and I surmised that what with the Christmas holiday and whatnot she was celebrating the fact that she doesn't have to scream at 4 year olds for 8 hours tomorrow and the idea of grown-up time got the best of her and she had one too many apple sugar gumdrop-tinis and decided she was going to teach that dickhead of an ex-husband a thing or two. As she's being dragged to the imaginary border of non-lawsuitville I look over at Ashlee the bar stewardess and say "heh...I remember my first beer." Now this is a completely unoriginal remark that I stole from the movie "Stepbrothers" and I feel like there needs to be more funny remarks people can make when some dork illustrates for the world how much of an upstanding fuckup they are. So...here is what I can come up with at 3:06 in the morning:

Someone get this guy on some heavy machinery!

Shit...in that state Hemingway would be reeling in a marlin.

Hi! I'm Shitfaced...meet you in the bathroom?

Thank God...I was starting to think those pills were bullshit.

Someone's pulling a Matrix in the morning. (A Matrix is when you sneak around your office from cubicle to cubicle avoiding interaction with any authority figure a la Neo at the beginning of the Matrix. It's also when you lean back limbo-style and dodge something being thrown at you or narrowly miss being hit by a subway train.)

You know what, I'm feeling creative...I think I'm going to draw a vagina on your face tonight for a change.

No seriously I'm interested...what is your opinion of Ron Paul's stance on a nuclear Iran and do you think he could gather the momentum and campaign funds to win the Iowa caucuses?

You know your child support's due in the morning, right?

Youtube's gonna love this!

Boy, the last time I was that drunk was when I found out Obama won the election.

Boy, the last time I was that drunk was when I found out I missed the McRib by a day.

Boy, the last time I was that drunk was when I had box seats for Bananarama.

(To a dude) Don't worry...I'm sure he'll call...faggot.

(To a girl) Ya...he won't be calling. What're you doing later?

(To a girl) You ever sat on someone's face in a porta-potty? Oh...uhhh...you like Nicolas Cage movies?

Shit! And here I am fresh outta lube.

Wait, wait you dropped something...is this your baby?

Sir, I'm going to need to see some proof of citizenship...no sir you go fuck YOURself.

How much cash you got on you? Ah hell you're good...I've bribed a cop with way less.

Good thing that chick's got a vomit fetish.

Dude she's totally into you...although I do think you need to flex more.

Pants are for pussies!!

I'm Mr. Charles, the head of your security down here. I specialize in a very specific type of security...subconscious security. I am here to protect you in the event that someone tries to access your mind through your dreams. They're coming for you...

You in a band, bro?

OK that's all I got for now but if any more come to me I will definitely be posting them in some form as soon as possible. Please everyone, please take alcoholism seriously and do everything you can to mock and fuck with people that can't handle their shit. If they're really young it will build they're character and sense of humor and if they're old fuck 'em they should have learned by now. Good night and good luck.

Took a little break.

So sorry for the absence there boys and girls. I felt like I needed to take a break from ejaculating pure unadulterated inspiration upon the masses. Plus I couldn't come up with anything to write so I saved all of you the misery of reading something stupid that you keep thinking is going to get better if you just keep reading on. I hate when I read an article or short story that seems interesting in theory and then you start reading and it sucks but you keep reading anyway because you're like well fuck it I've gotten this far I should finish and then at the end you've wasted 8 minutes of your life learning about the logistical challenges of shipping Justin Beiber figurines out of China. I mean who hasn't been through that series of events?

So what's been happening? Well we're officially in the thick of the Holidays and I am my usual bah-humbug bitch about humanity awful self. I mean really are people still into these pointless celebrations of American excess and human insecurity? When are we going to put the Christ back in " Jesus Christ give me more pie and Xboxes or I'm gong to rip your fucking throat out you bitch!"? I don't know perhaps if I had children I would get more into it but everything about Christmas and Thanksgiving just annoys the shit out of me. People are pepper-spraying each other for video games for shit sakes! Anyway I won't go too deep into it because it has been vastly overdone but screw Christmas. Plus it's during the winter and we all know how I feel about that.

Ya I'm not sure why I didn't post for so long. Football season maybe, this new job perhaps. Oh ya I'm waiting tables now. Believe it or not it's kind of fun. The hours are strange but you can really learn a lot about people watching them eat chicken wings. It's a healthy little family place that serves a great porter and a steady clientele of quiet people who tip well. And I think I'm taking to the restaurant life like a duck to water. I mean really, I'm already an alcoholic, I like sleeping in late, I smile a lot and I enjoy getting paid for tasks that don't require much thought...sounds like a dream job to me!! Actually it's working out well and I've entered a bit of a holding pattern for now.

I want to jump on a topic real quick that I've never touched on and I hope ya'll will be receptive to it. Now just do me a favor and finish the paragraph before you shit all over you're computer chairs and stop answering my texts when I'm looking for people to sniff glue with. I am sympathetic to pedophiles. There I said it. No I am not myself a child fucker nor do I know any personally but since the last time I posted it seems like it has become an incredibly fashionable thing to fuck children if you work for a division 1 college athletic program. I'm not completely sure how this particular fad caught on but I equate it with words with friends and faux hawks in that I really don't get it and I'm very comfortable that I never bought in to the trend. So anyway, people are born the way they are. Homosexuality, without a doubt, is a born state of being that people live with and accept and are able to gain happiness from. So is a foot fetish. So is fucking pastrami sandwiches dressed as Joan Rivers with baking utensils shoved up your ass covered in goats blood under a full moon with Asian businessmen throwing mayonnaise at you. And honestly...so is being a pedophile. Those people are born that way and I feel deeply sorry for them that they have to carry such an unspeakable trait of their personality for their entire lives. However, you can be a pedophile and do the right thing and save a shit ton of innocent lives and that is kill yourself. Seriously, if you have something that you were born with that you can't control that is going to force you to destroy human beings I don't give a fuck if you write We are the World or if you cure cancer or invent the hover board someone else will too and the world will be just fine if you kill yourself. If you don't then you deserve whatever happens to you but I think the American media should start advertising more to the world that if you have a major problem that you can't control and you aren't going to attempt to treat it you need to rid the world of your existence. And seriously, leave a note and if you say in it "I was going to start fucking kids but I killed myself instead" you should get a fucking postmortem medal for being an awesome human being. OK I'm done with the baby-rape talk now I will move on.

I'm going to be honest with ya'll...I really wanted this to be an epic post since I haven't written in a while but sometimes inspiration doesn't come as freely as you would think. All of my friends, all of you that read this make me as happy as I could ever imagine being. And isn't that our goal? To be happy? To get some good laughs in before we're dead and over? Drinking beers and making boner jokes with the people I love truly makes feel like I'm making something out of this existence. Of course that sounds stupid but times when I was fucked up and talking shit with people that I know have my back is when I have truly felt comfortable and happy. I'm in a holding pattern right now. I've had a shitty year and I'm evaluating what I want out of my life. There are so many people that don't have that freedom. It's a cliche but seriously I have nothing but first world problems. Every job I have had since graduation has provided me with plenty of currency but nothing in the way of actual value. I was strong and ready to take it on and had a seven foot boner with every paycheck that was direct deposited into my account. Was I happy? Honestly...of course not. It sucked, it hindered my self-confidence and I decided to make a change. I went on the road thinking that would do it but of course I came back home and had the same questions and confusions I did before. I did learn some stuff about the world and did gain some confidence in my ability to survive but I came back and I was still me. I'm working on it though and when the time comes I'm sure I'll figure out something. Well that was a little whiny and touchy feely but I don't think I'm going to delete it.

Well I'm going to try and post a lot more often here on out guys. It's weird times for everybody and I find this blog to be very therapeutic. And I promise I won't get as gay and deep as I did here in the future. We got New Years...we got Justice...we got any number of amazing and awe-inspiring excuses to get fucked up in the coming months and I'm gonna brag about all of it to ya'll bitches.

October rocks whether the Braves suck or not.

Ya the last couple of weeks have been pretty swell And ya I used the word swell, what of it???

October is the absolute most awesome badass time of year for myself and thus the entire universe for a variety of reasons that all culminate right about 4 days into the month. Let's start with the most obvious: football. Football by this time of year has taken a steroid rage-esque stanglehold on the frontal lobes of every non-vegetable human being in America and it is a breathtaking sight to watch us all drool over and brag about the spellbinding achievements of others. Sweet Lord just thinking about Drew Brees ninja-punching homo Indianapolis linebackers in front of millions of screaming lunatics makes me embarrassingly aroused. And of course the Dawgs are usually spending this time of year deciding whether we will be beaten by both Tennessee and Florida or if it will just be Florida...Let's beat the odds this year Richt! Oh football you are in the top five excuses I use to get hammered while the sun is shining.

Reason number 2: The weather. I mean duh this is an obvious one but I think October really closes the case on why the South is awesome and everything up North is awful and barren and terrible. In places like Milwaukee and Fargo and Fucktard, New Hampshire it's starting to get cold as balls and they're having to start feeding the babies more liquor and burning more animal dung to keep the frostbite from spreading. And hey that's totally fun and probably pretty cool but honestly I'd rather live down here where we can still wear shorts and not feel weird ordering a Bud Light Lime. Nope, down here it's still absolutely beautiful and all of the snow monkeys in the Northern Territories are hunkering down to begin growing their Winter coats and overeating sausages to prepare for the hibernation. Oh glorious sunshine you are fun and cool!

So what else...oh I get to go to Destin in October which sounds strange but you must understand that the famous Destin Fishing Rodeo happens throughout the month of October and on the second weekend of the month we go down there and go fishing. And if I'm lucky I am unemployed at this time of year and I can go down early and get drunk for a few extra days before we go out fishing on Saturday. Yayyy unemployment vacations!!! Well that did happen to be the case this year and Dad and I went on down early and commenced slow Florida living. Well to be honest it kind of reminded me of being back on the road. I'd put Dad to bed at like 10 and then it's just me and I go out for a drink and wind up chilling at the bar alone. It's healthy and you learn to actually appreciate the quiet and entertaining yourself. You watch all the other fools around you making jokes and trying to bang each other and you sit back and enjoy the show. So anyway the forecast was calling for 10 foot seas and we all decided that violently puking while trapped in a washing machine we paid money for was not an enjoyable Saturday and commenced return to the right side of the border.

Actually I came on back early and got to catch a SICK Widespread show that freaking ROCKED! Best Flat Foot Floozy ever. I was able to snag a tik at the last second and they really brought the heat. Ricky and I both agreed it was a phenomenal show. And then what happens the following weekend? Bassnectar and Pretty Lights!! Or Pretty Lights and Bassnectar!! However you like it but this past weekend was a blur of bass bomb ridiculousness. I went ahead and booked a hotel up in Alpharetta to limit the influenced explorations and from there it was raging awesome electronic music and wondering what the hell all these high school kids were doing out. It's a little unnerving when you see some 16 year old girl wearing a bikini and fishnets, covered in glitter and domed out of her skull on MDMA. I swear these kids today either have way overly cool parents or they are much better liars than I ever was. In any case PL and BN were incredibly awesome as well as Big Gigantic who is a personal favorite of mine. I just have a thing for any band with a saxophone...makes me feel like a film noir detective in the forties.

And Halloween's coming up and it doesn't look like I'm going to make it to the Cocktail Party again this year. It's a little depressing but maybe I'm getting too old for these 3 day drinking binges. Or maybe they just come around a little too often. There will be parties however and I guess I have to conquer that most American of dilemmas we all have to face at least once a year...what will I wear to the costume party? Shit I'm terrible at this. I'll probably cop out and just be green man but I'm very tempted to go as Bearded Ke$ha. I'd like to go as something that wouldn't completely rule out the idea of getting laid but hell if I get a few good laughs that's probably just as good and far less messy. Well have a wonderful week boils and ghouls and I'll catch you on the flipside.

Could weaponized Rabies be the mutated zombie super-virus that finally starts the Apocolypse?

OK I have a question for the masses...does Hollywood know when it makes a shitty movie? I just watched Waterworld (ya...that whole freaking movie) and literally every 30 seconds I was seeing something that didn't make any sense whatsoever. I mean holy shit so the entire plot is worked around this little girl with a tattoo of a map to dry land on her back. You know what this map is? It's a circle with an arrow on it. How freaking stupid is having a map when everything is water. And nobody once asks this little girl where she got the tattoo. Another hole in that plot...where did all the bad guys get the cigarettes? I mean I know it was a requirement with mid-nineties movies that bad guys had to smoke but I found it a bit difficult to explain in this film. If only Nicolas Cage could have been in it....
Getting back to my point, does Hollywood know when it makes a piece of shit movie. There has to be incredibly intelligent people out there writing these movies. Are they convinced what they've written is good or do they think the American people are stupid enough to think it's cool and thus produce a sizeable profit with the least amount of intellectual labor. Honestly I believe it's the latter. We cater to and worship awful morons in this country and I think Hollywood is going to continue to push turds onto the movie screen as long as assholes are keeping those Jersey Shore mongoloids high in the ratings. Retardary and obnoxiousness are valued in our culture and that is why everything sucks here now. I am certainly not against a private industry making profits and I believe deeply in free trade and capitalism but I am very convinced that the search for profits in Hollywood has destroyed an artform in America and that is a fucking shame. For God sakes did you guys see Green Lantern? We've become lab rats giving measured reactions to flashing lights and pretty colors. No spirits, no passion, no excitement and no good taste in anything. Of course can I really talk shit? I want to start a George Michael cover band and Roswell is one of my favorite shows of all time. Nah...I ain't apologizing for that. The WB was the Renaissance of teen TV (miss you Buffy).


Destin...I love you. You are a perfect combination of redneck water worship and snooty housewives swiping their souls away in outlet malls. Of crystal-clean white beaches with young blonds wearing skimpy bathing suits and alcoholic illiterate wharf rats gutting mackerel in the sun. This week we go down for the rodeo and I am extremely pumped. I probably should live in Florida. My three favorite things are fishing, not wearing shoes, and drinking beer. Of course I can technically do all of those things here but it's so much more awesome down there. OK I'm not getting on a rant about moving to Florida. Shit I've got the state of Georgia tattooed on my back! With an arrow, pointing up! And it leads to dry land!

Oh so they let Amanda Knox out today! Good for her...go America!! I was thinking earlier how funny it would be if her parents get her back here and they immediately go eat at Olive Garden. That would crack me up.

No I haven't gotten a job yet. There are too many activities coming up. I know that sounds shitty but it's really hard to start a new job and then immediately be like "I'm gonna need the next few weekends off." I will get something soon though. I have to. For Christ sake I'm watching Waterworld!

Man I don't have that many ideas this week...Fishing and beach-bumming it for the next few days so I should have some material here next week. Later peeps!

Braves are blowing it, Dawgs are sucking it, and I'm still karate chopping the sheetrock.

Oh boy where to begin...oh I know! Jew weddings are fucking SWEET!!! Holy crap so we went to this wedding last week and a certain young schlemiel I know from when I was slinging rock and working hoes down by Oak Lane decided to marry a lovely young lady that has one connection or another to North Carolina and we went deep into meth country to watch these two darling people get married in front of the back 9. It was a lovely ceremony and it involved breaking stuff. So anyway we leave the ceremony and I'm wanting to get to the bar ASAP because I was missing the Bulldawgs completely shit the bed and let a team called the Cocks, the freaking COCKS, have their miserable way with us!! The reception was extremely fun however and after watching the game on my phone which was mind-blowing technology to me (I accidentally managed to scream Touchdown! in the middle of the daddy/daughter dance) they placed the couple on chairs and bounced them around all over the dance floor. And THEEEEENNNNNN a bunch of people grabbed hands and started running in circles like freaking lunatics and everyone was rocking out and impressively drunk and it was quite the enjoyable show. Thanks to the Grizzly Bert and the Deermonster for saying funny stuff the whole time and not giving me crappola about cheating on the whole no smoking thing. That waitress at Cracker Barrel was starting to get a little too comfortable by the time we were leaving.

Sooooooo...well from there it was mostly time to hang out and do stuff; two things I am very surprised were not offered as majors at Georgia and I am greatly offended by that. Oh ya my prodigy from another progeny Collin "Right" Herr came to visit for like 7 hours and we got to watch the Braves win I believe. Did they win? I can't quite remember, my memory is clouded from the 53 pounds of heroin-esque divinity that is Popeye's chicken. Boner city my boy...boner city. So ya I got to see the Braves again before they starting shitting all over themselves and doing everything they can to let the St. Louis Monkey Fisters take the freaking wildcard. Maybe if we let Derek Lowe take a bottle of Crown and a stripper out to the mound he'd quit giving up home runs. Just rent him a fur bus on the way home or something...can't have him screwing up the rotation with court dates all the time.

This week's word of wisdom: It is still possible to get a chilli cheese burrito from Taco Bell. There is one Taco Bell left on the planet that still serves this tasty dose of genius stoner food and it is located in the Lenox Mall Food Court. Go there. Eat it. Know life.

I also got to go camping on Saturday which was a hoot and a holler. Basically Trey "The Greencard" Slinkard and Jackie "The African Shenanigan" Bartleet and I went to the woods and got fucked up. Greencard made pork tenderloin on the rustiest cooking appliance I've ever been party to. Breaking through the haze of McCormick's and Mountain Dew I was slamming along with the tasty coffee drinks we all were enjoying was a very delicious forest dish that completely covered up the taste of deteriorating steel that peppered the grilled vegetables. I was very pleased and I always have fun with my number one favorite couple in the greater Chamblee area. They stick with what works and I respect that. Also congrats on the engagement you guys! I've always wanted to be proposed to on stage with Creed right when they break into the bridge of "Higher" and I'd rip off my t-shirt, grab the mic from what's his name, and scream "Ahhhhh Yaaaaaaa" right when all the pyrotechnics and sparks exploded and it would be the most epic and badass slaughterfuck of a proposal any man has every received from the red-headed chick from True Blood. However...doing it atop the Arc de Triomphe in Paris is pretty freaking cool too. Good job guys.

Well Screw Baloo what the fuck else is going on. So I've been reading some history lately and I've come to a conclusion about my heritage and that of the entire human race. Every development by man since the dawn of civilization has been based on murder and corruption and rape and evil and greed and everything else that is scary in the world. America, The Catholic Church, the NCAA, Cabbage Patch Kids, Dental Dams (which by the way are 6 bucks a piece!) are all built on and exist because someone in history raped somebody. It's freaking horrid and weird when you think about it. Every good thing that has ever happened was possible because someone got screwed over or murdered at some point in history. Hell we could start simple...think about mushrooms. Not trip-balls mushrooms I'm talking about the tasty happy mushrooms I get in my calzone every other Thursday. Have you ever thought about how many people in history had to die to figure out that that was a tasty and safe thing to eat? I mean I would probably be OK if I had never had a mushroom in my life...did all those thousands of people have to die just so I could have one more topping on my salad along with the bacon and three pounds of ranch dressing cheese mixture? I wonder if 2000 years ago Caesar Nero had dozens of Christians lined up in a row in his palace (it was a sick casino) and force-fed them whatever random shit he found or had gathered off the ground and if they died or starting shitting all over the place he made a note not to eat that and then he raped and tortured them and thus civilization and the culinary arts were born! Again a facet of our society based on evil and torture. Anyway its unsettling.

Hehehe Ryan just told me about this thing called Smokoing someone. It's a lot like that Icing retardery only you have to chug both a Smirnoff Ice and a Four Loco and you have to do this with neither your head or rectum exploding. When you do it to someone you can scream "oh damn bitch you just got SMOKO'd!!!! I'm gonna go beat the shit outta your dad you vaginal bitchnose!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!" and then you're automatically awesome for the next 24 hours.

Well whereto next you ask? Well the Damnable Danny Jackson himself is taking a second swing at the institution of marriage so I get one more weekend of free drinks and singing "Shout" obnoxiously with the band and tomorrow I have an information session at GSU for this program that sounds enticing and time-consuming. Tonight I have to pack a bunch of random books and stuff in my backpack so I don't look like a weirdo walking around campus. God bless chili dogs! Peace!

Well that was weird...

OK I'm going to go ahead and apologize for that last post. Sometimes things seem brilliant at the time and then you read them later after the Ether has worn off and you realize it was just manically insane ranting that means nothing. Although I am very excited about String Cheese in November and I am usually a fan of cool random listings of stuff like at the beginning of Trainspotting that shit was just silly. It made me laugh but ya that was ridiculous. Although this blog is meant to be a little weird at times and frankly I like to exploit the idea that I can put absolutely anything I want on here so nevermind...apology retracted. That shit's just going to happen on here from time to time.

So the Dawgs suck donkey balls as expected and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be running into Richt up at the labor department in the very near future. And Bobo will likely be buffing hoods at 2-minute Car Wash while he listens to the Dawgs in the Roto-Rooter Shit Bowl come December. Come on guys let's get it together and keep some of you guys around! Oh well we have South Carolina this weekend and let's be frank I know they have a great recruiting class and everyone still has a boner for that Mexican quarterback of theirs but every few years South Carolina pops up on the radar and beats Georgia and then they totally shit the bed come mid-season. Granted the East is shit but get the fuck out of here....it's South Carolina. If we lose we lose but there's no reason for us to lose. Anyway that's my 2 cents. Go Dawgs!!

How come nobody ever covers songs by The Presidents of the United States of America? Lump was freaking awesome and nobody ever thinks of playing that or Peaches or anything else. The next band I join I'm going to try and get those songs covered as well as some Dinosaur Jr.

So jobsearch...blechhhh. I hated this shit last time and I'm dreading it this time. I mean it's not an emergency and I am using this time for self-improvement unlike last time: I joined the gym, I'm getting ready for this GRE business, I'm playing a lot of darts. It's healthy but I am still bored and I'm getting itchy feet. I feel like I need to get a job or I'm going to take off again. I would like to see Utah and maybe Colorado again. "NO Richard Stop It! You are not disappearing again!" "But I want to!!! It was fun last time." "I said NO!! Now stop whining and go back to work!" So ya I'm applying for some jobs and generally keeping myself occupied well-enough. I got some really good darts and with the gym and activities coming up the boredom isn't overpowering but I still want a job to float me until I have a graduate degree. I'll get something I'm sure.

By the way...how many frigging facelifts has Princess Leia had? Holy shit I just saw her on a Jenny Craig commercial and she looks like the cryptkeeper wrapped in flesh-colored Saran wrap. Oh boy that was depressing. I think I need some hot wings to rescue my soul...Later bitches!!!