So this year for Halloween I really wanted to be a dinosaur. Is that too much to ask?? A grown-ass man wanting to dress up like a dinosaur??? It is freaking IMPOSSIBLE to find a proper dinosaur costume anywhere in the United States. Oh I eventually found one...it was in Hong Kong. Way too far away to have it by today. Oh well...it looks like one more Greenman will be drunkenly wandering the streets of New Orleans tonight.
Halloween in New Orleans!!! Oh my lord I can't wait to see the freaks that are produced by that weird-ass city. I mean I will be wearing a full bodysuit of green spandex and I'll be just another tourist. Now granted the majority of my time will be spent listening to the greatest rock band on the planet but after the show it should only be about 12:30 which is when the sociopaths are injecting one last bit of smack to stay juiced up to sell bunk coke to tourists and search for the whores that don't have any visible cold sores. Hey that rhymed!
New Orleans is definitely one of my favorite cities. I actually have bestowed on it the honor of being my favorite city that I never want to live in. I don't think I could handle it. The place also smells kind of funny but I'm sure that's just the drunken failure running down the gutters every day at 4 in the morning. I mean Bourbon Street is fine but obviously you have to get off Bourbon to get the real jest of the place. However, there was a time on Bourbon when a certain friend of mine maxed out his Amex on tag-team blowjobs from two strippers he fell in love with the first night we got there. I woke up to this fine upstanding gentleman trying to report his card stolen the next morning. When they brought up the affidavit he would need to sign he promptly hung up and reveled in his own stupidity.
And then sometimes you eat way too many mushrooms and find yourself chasing taxi cabs in the freezing cold until a friendly bouncer informs you it's illegal for them to stop in that spot.
And sometimes you find yourself drinking drugstore jugwine on the Tulane campus at 7 in the morning on a Monday heckling kids jogging and going to class and generally having their lives together. Ya we never made it to the passport office that day.
And sometimes you spend 20 minutes at a blackjack table and make $200 and proceed to drink every dime of it in the next 2 hours.
Holy shit I am excited for tonight. I will be posting again very soon I promise to regale all with the adventures from the weekend. God bless and wish me luck!!! I feel like I'm about to skydive straight into a wildfire.
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