Braves are blowing it, Dawgs are sucking it, and I'm still karate chopping the sheetrock.

Oh boy where to begin...oh I know! Jew weddings are fucking SWEET!!! Holy crap so we went to this wedding last week and a certain young schlemiel I know from when I was slinging rock and working hoes down by Oak Lane decided to marry a lovely young lady that has one connection or another to North Carolina and we went deep into meth country to watch these two darling people get married in front of the back 9. It was a lovely ceremony and it involved breaking stuff. So anyway we leave the ceremony and I'm wanting to get to the bar ASAP because I was missing the Bulldawgs completely shit the bed and let a team called the Cocks, the freaking COCKS, have their miserable way with us!! The reception was extremely fun however and after watching the game on my phone which was mind-blowing technology to me (I accidentally managed to scream Touchdown! in the middle of the daddy/daughter dance) they placed the couple on chairs and bounced them around all over the dance floor. And THEEEEENNNNNN a bunch of people grabbed hands and started running in circles like freaking lunatics and everyone was rocking out and impressively drunk and it was quite the enjoyable show. Thanks to the Grizzly Bert and the Deermonster for saying funny stuff the whole time and not giving me crappola about cheating on the whole no smoking thing. That waitress at Cracker Barrel was starting to get a little too comfortable by the time we were leaving.

Sooooooo...well from there it was mostly time to hang out and do stuff; two things I am very surprised were not offered as majors at Georgia and I am greatly offended by that. Oh ya my prodigy from another progeny Collin "Right" Herr came to visit for like 7 hours and we got to watch the Braves win I believe. Did they win? I can't quite remember, my memory is clouded from the 53 pounds of heroin-esque divinity that is Popeye's chicken. Boner city my boy...boner city. So ya I got to see the Braves again before they starting shitting all over themselves and doing everything they can to let the St. Louis Monkey Fisters take the freaking wildcard. Maybe if we let Derek Lowe take a bottle of Crown and a stripper out to the mound he'd quit giving up home runs. Just rent him a fur bus on the way home or something...can't have him screwing up the rotation with court dates all the time.

This week's word of wisdom: It is still possible to get a chilli cheese burrito from Taco Bell. There is one Taco Bell left on the planet that still serves this tasty dose of genius stoner food and it is located in the Lenox Mall Food Court. Go there. Eat it. Know life.

I also got to go camping on Saturday which was a hoot and a holler. Basically Trey "The Greencard" Slinkard and Jackie "The African Shenanigan" Bartleet and I went to the woods and got fucked up. Greencard made pork tenderloin on the rustiest cooking appliance I've ever been party to. Breaking through the haze of McCormick's and Mountain Dew I was slamming along with the tasty coffee drinks we all were enjoying was a very delicious forest dish that completely covered up the taste of deteriorating steel that peppered the grilled vegetables. I was very pleased and I always have fun with my number one favorite couple in the greater Chamblee area. They stick with what works and I respect that. Also congrats on the engagement you guys! I've always wanted to be proposed to on stage with Creed right when they break into the bridge of "Higher" and I'd rip off my t-shirt, grab the mic from what's his name, and scream "Ahhhhh Yaaaaaaa" right when all the pyrotechnics and sparks exploded and it would be the most epic and badass slaughterfuck of a proposal any man has every received from the red-headed chick from True Blood. However...doing it atop the Arc de Triomphe in Paris is pretty freaking cool too. Good job guys.

Well Screw Baloo what the fuck else is going on. So I've been reading some history lately and I've come to a conclusion about my heritage and that of the entire human race. Every development by man since the dawn of civilization has been based on murder and corruption and rape and evil and greed and everything else that is scary in the world. America, The Catholic Church, the NCAA, Cabbage Patch Kids, Dental Dams (which by the way are 6 bucks a piece!) are all built on and exist because someone in history raped somebody. It's freaking horrid and weird when you think about it. Every good thing that has ever happened was possible because someone got screwed over or murdered at some point in history. Hell we could start simple...think about mushrooms. Not trip-balls mushrooms I'm talking about the tasty happy mushrooms I get in my calzone every other Thursday. Have you ever thought about how many people in history had to die to figure out that that was a tasty and safe thing to eat? I mean I would probably be OK if I had never had a mushroom in my life...did all those thousands of people have to die just so I could have one more topping on my salad along with the bacon and three pounds of ranch dressing cheese mixture? I wonder if 2000 years ago Caesar Nero had dozens of Christians lined up in a row in his palace (it was a sick casino) and force-fed them whatever random shit he found or had gathered off the ground and if they died or starting shitting all over the place he made a note not to eat that and then he raped and tortured them and thus civilization and the culinary arts were born! Again a facet of our society based on evil and torture. Anyway its unsettling.

Hehehe Ryan just told me about this thing called Smokoing someone. It's a lot like that Icing retardery only you have to chug both a Smirnoff Ice and a Four Loco and you have to do this with neither your head or rectum exploding. When you do it to someone you can scream "oh damn bitch you just got SMOKO'd!!!! I'm gonna go beat the shit outta your dad you vaginal bitchnose!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!" and then you're automatically awesome for the next 24 hours.

Well whereto next you ask? Well the Damnable Danny Jackson himself is taking a second swing at the institution of marriage so I get one more weekend of free drinks and singing "Shout" obnoxiously with the band and tomorrow I have an information session at GSU for this program that sounds enticing and time-consuming. Tonight I have to pack a bunch of random books and stuff in my backpack so I don't look like a weirdo walking around campus. God bless chili dogs! Peace!

Well that was weird...

OK I'm going to go ahead and apologize for that last post. Sometimes things seem brilliant at the time and then you read them later after the Ether has worn off and you realize it was just manically insane ranting that means nothing. Although I am very excited about String Cheese in November and I am usually a fan of cool random listings of stuff like at the beginning of Trainspotting that shit was just silly. It made me laugh but ya that was ridiculous. Although this blog is meant to be a little weird at times and frankly I like to exploit the idea that I can put absolutely anything I want on here so nevermind...apology retracted. That shit's just going to happen on here from time to time.

So the Dawgs suck donkey balls as expected and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be running into Richt up at the labor department in the very near future. And Bobo will likely be buffing hoods at 2-minute Car Wash while he listens to the Dawgs in the Roto-Rooter Shit Bowl come December. Come on guys let's get it together and keep some of you guys around! Oh well we have South Carolina this weekend and let's be frank I know they have a great recruiting class and everyone still has a boner for that Mexican quarterback of theirs but every few years South Carolina pops up on the radar and beats Georgia and then they totally shit the bed come mid-season. Granted the East is shit but get the fuck out of here....it's South Carolina. If we lose we lose but there's no reason for us to lose. Anyway that's my 2 cents. Go Dawgs!!

How come nobody ever covers songs by The Presidents of the United States of America? Lump was freaking awesome and nobody ever thinks of playing that or Peaches or anything else. The next band I join I'm going to try and get those songs covered as well as some Dinosaur Jr.

So jobsearch...blechhhh. I hated this shit last time and I'm dreading it this time. I mean it's not an emergency and I am using this time for self-improvement unlike last time: I joined the gym, I'm getting ready for this GRE business, I'm playing a lot of darts. It's healthy but I am still bored and I'm getting itchy feet. I feel like I need to get a job or I'm going to take off again. I would like to see Utah and maybe Colorado again. "NO Richard Stop It! You are not disappearing again!" "But I want to!!! It was fun last time." "I said NO!! Now stop whining and go back to work!" So ya I'm applying for some jobs and generally keeping myself occupied well-enough. I got some really good darts and with the gym and activities coming up the boredom isn't overpowering but I still want a job to float me until I have a graduate degree. I'll get something I'm sure.

By the way...how many frigging facelifts has Princess Leia had? Holy shit I just saw her on a Jenny Craig commercial and she looks like the cryptkeeper wrapped in flesh-colored Saran wrap. Oh boy that was depressing. I think I need some hot wings to rescue my soul...Later bitches!!!